diploma in holistic stress management with laurel alexander

 

HOW LIFE EVENTS COULD IMPACT ON OUR THOUGHTS, FEELINGS AND BEHAVIOURS

Events that we go through in life can have a profound effect on our thoughts, feelings and behaviours. Here are some example of life events and the possible responses we might have:

BIRTH
Premature birth
Feelings
Lack of trust
Behaviour
Avoiding commitment
Caesarean birth
Feelings
Never being quite ready
Behaviour
A need for physical contact/stroking
Difficult birth
Feelings
Physical tension, restlessness, claustrophobia,
panic attacks, fiddling and twitching
Behaviour
Confusion
EARLY MONTHS / PRE-SCHOOL
Illness
Feelings
Shutting off feelings, anxiety, fear, anger at
being left in hospital
Behaviour
Smiling through, absorbing parental anxiety, over-reaction to illness
Thoughts
People can’t be trusted
Feeding difficulties
Feelings
Smoking, gum chewing, overeating, fussy over
food
Lack of bonding
Thoughts
People aren’t to be trusted, I won’t ever get what I
need
SCHOOL 4-12
Falling behind at school
Behaviour
Rejecting education, accepting failure
Thoughts
Low self esteem especially with regard to intellect
Changing schools frequently
Behaviour
Distance from others, performing to earn
acceptance, not making friends easy
Thoughts
Shyness, not feeling loss, loss of confidence
Bullying by staff/others
Behaviour
Becoming part of dominant group, submitting
to dominant group, placating dominant group, avoiding power issues
Threatened abandonment
Behaviour
Becoming “very good”,
Thoughts
Belief that we were naughty/bad, adults are unreliable
Tense / anxious parents
Behaviour
Compulsive caring for others, burnout/collapse
Cruel / unusual punishments
Behaviour
Detachment, forgetting, dreams/floating,
dismissive of others pain, duplicate of person feared
Neglect
Thoughts
Low self esteem, belief that we are a “bad
person”
Excessive criticism
Thoughts
Something is wrong with us, our opinions don’t
count, our behavior is objectionable, our ideas worthless, powerful inner critic, low self esteem
Behaviour
Shyness, brashness
Favoritism
Behaviour
Accepting inferiority, attention seeking,
performing
Humiliation
Feelings
Silent fury
Thoughts
We are “bad”
Behaviour
Blaming others for the pain/humiliation caused us
Pressure for premature development
Behaviour
Clumsy, accident prone
Thoughts
Nothing is ever good enough
PUBERTY - LATE TEENS
Parental anxiety at puberty
Feelings
Not feeling reassured about male/female
virtues
Parental disapproval of sex
Thoughts
Seeing body as shameful/disgusting
Behaviour
Detachment of body, approval of mind, eating junk food, taking drugs, smoking
ANY AGE
Sexual abuse
Behaviour
Detachment, secrecy, using sex as weapon,
one night stands, avoiding intimate contact
Thoughts
Forgetting about it, believing we are bad/wicked, believing all others are bad
Feelings
Shame
Separtion from one / both parents
Behaviour
Protest, detachment, departures and endings difficult
Feelings
Despair
Going into hospital
Feelings
Vulnerable to anything which evokes buried
feelings, detachment, bravery, disassociation
Abuse / non-accidental injury
Feelings
Learning not to feel, to suppress rage
Thoughts
We are bad/wrong/to blame
Going to boarding school
Feelings
Concealing feelings
Behaviour
Drawing warmth from peers
Distressed parents
Feelings
Looking after needy parent could leave us
feeling empty, vulnerable, resentful, despairing
Behaviour
Caring for “lame dogs”, self neglect, choosing
partners who don’t give
     


To some extend, most of us can identify with some of the life events and possible reactions. Sometimes, the reactions can hold us back in life and this is when we might need some support through counseling or CBT so that we can change our perspective and move forward with confidence.